Collaborating and Connecting

It is why we network: collaborating and connecting.

At a recent trade show I had a conversation over a meal with two people in my network. Now, I see these guys for longer periods maybe twice a year. But when we do connect we spend hours together getting the exhibit assembled and show ready at the shows we work together. The important times have become before and after hours.

This most recent meeting was around a great conversation. We discussed their company, their jobs and marketing in general--including some fresh ideas around things they are working on separately from their "day" jobs.

The point is a two-hour conversation between three people over drinks or dinner or breakfast can yield some nuggets of ideas that can help elsewhere. Our conversation centered around marketing a product using social media and video to promote the ideas and not the product. Our exchange was just that--an exchange of ideas and collaboration that helped one of my friends target his audience and introduce some questions he hadn't thought of.

Think of it as "the idea cauldron." See you at the next show, guys.

Relentless

Don't be like a soap opera--get to the point

I was reminded of a key point in the art of conversation a short time ago as I sat in a jury room. When you are conversing with someone, get to the point of what you have to say.

Don't be rude or impolite or disruptive of the conversation just for the sake of speed, but do be sure and not waste your partner's time.

When you're locked up in a jury room, this particular bailiff choose to turn on daytime TV and "As the World Turns." As most are familiar with, the plots of these programs move at glacial speed. I truly believe this is so that viewers can go away for any length of time (possibly years) and come back and resume the story as if they had never left.

Let's face it, in most interactions with people we do not have the luxury of that much time. We can, however, be crisp and to the point with our conversation and our listening.

It's the polite thing to do.

Relentless

The Last Words

Pay attention to last words. Whether it's a meeting with a customer, a lunch with friends or saying goodbye to your mom at the car door as you leave, last words are memorable and important.

It's happened to me for years. I've spent hours with a client over lunch, discussing a project or agreement. It isn't until we got up to leave that he leaned over and said a few key words, such as "you've got the deal," or "the next time we meet...." or something similarly decisive.

It's happened with friends at lunch. We've talked about many things and when the check comes, so do the revelatory words. "The next time we meet,..." or "Remember...."

And, of course, when we part from family. My late mother-in-law was always good about choosing her words carefully when we parted at the door, the car or at the airport gate. Some of my most memorable conversations with her were at these times.

Remember all of a meeting and pay attention to the last moments especially.

Relentless

Interested versus Interesting

Conversation is a two-way street. However, in the interest of networking effectiveness, you really need to be more of a listener.

Again, to quote the late Walter Cronkite, we need to be more interested than interesting. That is to say, listening, being interested, is by far preferable to working hard at being interesting.

Start a conversation with a question. Guide the discussion toward your conversant. Listen carefully and build on each question. Learn something about who they are and what they do. Where did they go to school? Are they a local native? Why did they choose their career? What's it like to do their kind of work?

You get the idea: this isn't about you--yet. When the conversation turns to you (and it will, if your conversant does what you do), politely answer questions, but go back to them. From your perspective, you'll learn more about them and you by sharing.

Relentless

Keeping people in the conversation

At a networking event this morning, I was reminded of the importance of being included.

It goes back to the note in an earlier entry in this space about being polite: don't leave anybody out of a conversation. Be inclusive.

From the time we are kids, we want to be included. Sometimes the teacher or adult had to intervene, but, ultimately, it was up to us or those in teh group to be included or invite you in.

Same goes at the modern networking event. Make the effort to include people in the conversation. Don't let them sit there while you talk away and they just have to listen. give them an entry place or an intro: "what do you think, Rick?" or "Ruth Ann, I remember your question at the last event..." or, best yet, "Hi, my name is....welcome. what's your name?"

We're all here to meet people and learn.

Relentless

I and me

Watch those personal pronouns.

If you haven't noticed already, this author makes a point of trying to avoid the personal pronouns "I" and "me". Maybe it's because it is better to listen that to talk ("God gave you two ears and only one mouth") and hear what the other person in a conversation has to say. Wait and answer only when they ask, "and let's hear about you."

In other words, it's not about you. Two stories to share.

One of the worse offenders in this is Sid Hartman, the senior sports writer at the Minneapolis Star Tribune. Sid's columns include more references to him ("in my opinion", "when I talked with the coach") than the people he is supposedly reporting about ("my close personal friend"). Now, if you like to read that kind of stuff, ok. But it's boring and self centered and lacks credibility.

A better story is the one heard a long time ago and one this author lives by. A man was invited to a party. He made a point of spending his time talking to people throughout the evening, asking about them. He only spoke of himself when one of his conversants came out and asked a question directly about him. Then he answered and brought the conversation back to his guest. At the end of the evening, many of the guests this man had engaged in conversation told the hostess how interesting this man was and asked who he was.

We all need to remember to have conversations and not monologues.

Relentless