Appropriate conversation

The old saw of don't discuss politics or religion in polite conversation was brought home to me yesterday.

Over lunch, I recounted to a friend a conversation I had had the previous weekend with some mutual friends. My lunch companion asked why I had discussed politics in this conversation so early in my relationship with the mutual friends.

She had a point: what should be talked about what shouldn't? Why do we talk about certain things and not others?

Really, it comes down to courtesy and being polite (Rule #1). Just because you have an opinion doesn't mean you have to voice it. And certainly not in a first conversation or encounter with someone. Talk about other, common things that help you get to know someone. Having a meeting end with both parties storming off, fuming in anger does no one any good.

so, when talking to anybody, consider not talking about religion or politics. Your common interests, your businesses, family, origins, the weather, current books.

Don't mean to sound like Miss Manners, but use your judgment and common courtesy.

Relentless

Networks

Consider your various networks: those that are the new-age electronic variety versus the old-school, clasped-hand face-to-face groups.

Are you using a mix of both? It really makes sense not to ignore today's technology when it comes to connecting to and with people. LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook do shorten the initial conversation when you do meet for the first time in person. However, those media should be the conduit for just that: an in-person meeting.

Nothing replaces face-to-face contact. The old adages about good first impressions still hold true. People still want to size up and look someone in the eye. Hearing a voice and the inflection go a long way toward making a partnership--if there is to be one.

Not that "old-boy" networks don't have their problems. But be sure to have a mix of networking to make sure you are connecting on all levels.

Our colleague, Guy Kawasaki, referenced this in a recent Tweet (http://om.ly/?iIL). Thanks, Guy.

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Mixing up a presentation

For the most part, presentations by two presenters are pretty predictable. they either tag-team it or do an in-line "you-go-first" variation. Same-o-same-o.

But what if you looked at content? Mixed it up and looked at who was going to present what and do s pin on one of these techniques? At today's DFW AMA luncheon in Fort Worth, Graham Duke of Aviall and Jeff Warr of Zachry Associates told the story of the business partnership between their companies with a twist.

They tag-teamed to do the set up, but when it came time to tell each company's story, the opposite guy told the other guy's story. Graham told the ZA story and Jeff told the Aviall story. This reinforced the idea that it was a long and close relationship and that knowledge of a key client (or supplier) goes along way toward making it successful for both parties.

So, the next time you have to present, mix it up.

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Persistence

Being persistent to be remembered is one thing. to slip past that and into annoying, is quite another.

Once during an internal interview with Honeywell, I made a point of staying in touch with the hiring manager. I had business reasons to call or talk with him, so I took full advantage. However, when the final gun sounded and they chose another for the spot (it was a geographic decision) I did a debrief with the hiring manager. Bill told me he was impressed with my credentials and approach. He also complimented me on "being in touch to the edge of being annoying".

So it goes with networking. It is one thing to be around and be known. It is quite another to be overexposed.

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Degrees of Separation

The lesson of how far we are of each other in degrees of separation became a reality last evening. And it was a lesson in recollection and "The 6 Degrees of Separation."

An alumni association friend invited me to join his cycling group for dinner. Now, Joe has been after me for a while to join this group. I have some cycling experience, but am out of practice. The group includes his bike group and their SOs who may or may not bike.

The dinner at the restaurant goes fine and then we gather at Joe's house for a few beers. After a short conversation with Lori, one of the cyclists, we both look at one another and say that we think we've met before.

What are the odds? Well, Lori and I had actually been to the same networking group a few months back and know the same people. While Joe had been set on me meeting this group, I had no idea that I already knew someone in it.

It pays to recall who you meet (directly or indirectly) and then to reconnect. All connections are important and the lost one is the one you may need.

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Loyalty and integrity

Yesterday I had the good fortune to be able to spend some time with one of Dallas' leading business people, Gail Warrior-Lawrence.

As a part of our duties as volunteers for the North Dallas Chamber, my colleague, Bob Trice of New York Life, and I interviewed Ms. Warrior-Lawrence for the NDCC Business of the Year Award for 2009.

From this interview, not only did we learn Warrior Group's worthiness as a candidate for this award, I also heard networking ideas from an honored and respected businessperson.

The clearest message from this CEO was not to forget those who help you get where you are. As every business, they have had their crises and ups and downs. But through it all, they have been loyal to a core set of employees and key suppliers and people in their network. While some have gone on because one or the other party outgrew the relationship, others have stayed. If they stayed, they may have taken on a new or revised role.

The point is that a network (and relationships) are dynamic and ever-changing. However, showing clear, intelligent loyalty and exhibiting integrity in how you work within these relationships is incredibly important to both the health of the relationship and your personal health.

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Fishing and Networking

It goes without saying that networking and fishing have a lot in common. Really.

There are three things to remember in each:

• Choose your spot. Where will the fishing be best? You know where the best fish hang out, go to them. Not sure if GPS works in networking, though. Shoreline or IABC happy hour?
• Have the right gear. That lightweight rig or the tie with the blue pattern, nightcrawlers or customized business cards?
• Know the species you are looking for. Walleye or CMO, Sunfish or IT guy, Crappie or C-level exec?

The analogy works, so keep these simple concepts in mind and you should be luck in both.

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Non-profits and social media

Today over lunch I heard a presentation by Michelle Wilde of Tech NPO. Michelle is an expert in both non-profit marketing and technology. She spoke on "eMarketing: how to successfully market your nonprofit organization on line," to the DFW chapter of the American Marketing Association.

We hear about the social media sites (LinkedIn, Plaxo, Facebook, Myspace) almost daily (hourly?) these days. Ms. wilde's take on them, however, was targeted at how to find and market to potential donors. It was compelling and clear.

The messages to take away from this is just as if you used more traditional media:

• Always have an "ask"
• Give those that stop by your site ample opportunity to give and give easily
• Build a robust e-mail data base
• Direct traffic to a professional-looking and functional website

As with any kind of networking, don't be afraid to ask and focus on who is in front of you right now.

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Social media tools and business

I just returned from a meeting of the Small Business Advisory Board at the North Dallas Chamber (NDCC). A different group mix today.

The group, comprised of both members and non-members of the NDCC, included an attorney, a recruiter, a health-and-wellness expert, two HR professionals, a financial expert and two advertising-related guys. This diverse group had an open discussion on LinkedIN, Twitter, Facebook, Plaxo, Namz and how these and other social media sites lend themselves to being effective tools in either gathering or securing business.

They discussed a range of related issues from compliance (the financial person's concern) to sharing proprietary info to related tools that could leverage one's exposure through these tools.

The bottom line for the group was the understanding that these are more arrows in our quivver to help us build relationships.

The quote of the morning (from AT Grant and I hope I get it right) was "The more connected you are the more you are connecting."

Keep on networking and use these tools carefully and wisely.

Relentless

Reputation

With all of the talk about networking and connecting and whatever, we must not lose sight of what our motives and direction are.

While most networking situations are for business purposes, we find ourselves in a grey area sometimes since we are taking this on from a social direction. The bleed between the spheres does have us sometimes forgetting what the aim is and that we must exercise courtesy and comportment.

I heard a quote recently that, while it was used to describe the changing landscape of education, it applies here.

"Good reputations are difficult to build and easy to squander," said Ann Brown of the Arizona Daily Star of the changes in the education system in Arizona. Just as I have given her credit for the quote, so must we consider the ethics surrounding social interactions.

There is little we can control in this life, but your reputation is one of them and one you must guard closely. Be reputable in your business dealings and remember that you are dealing with people with feelings and opinions.

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Reporting from the field: staying in the moment

Our colleague, Donna Itzoe of Verizon, is on site at the IABC International Conference in San Francisco. Donna had a great observation as she wasimmersed in networking at this large and important conference.

"I'd say staying in the moment is important for networking" she reported. "You are trying to meet and network with as many people as possible, but don't continually scour the room for the "next" person while you're talking to somebody."

While you want to meet as many people as possible, be polite, make eye contact and really listen. Quality contacts and good impressions are far more important than quantity.

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Always being "on"

One of the 10 rules worth repeating is always being on.

Now, I realize this is a tough one at times, but we all need to be ready to engage people in conversation. My example today is a crossover from the trade show floor.

Trade show booth staffers do really have to always be on. No eating or drinking in the booth, no talking on the cell phone or other staffers while on booth duty or in the hall. And be ready to answer every question with some form of "yes."

At a recent client's trade show, a staffer was approached by a prospect (someone who hadn't done business with my client). The prospect engaged a staffer in conversation about an item they were interested in buying. However, a combination of the staffer not wanting to talk to the prospect and him also not knowing that his company carried the product in question, lead said staffer to try and send the prospect packing to another booth (a competitor, no less).

Fortunately, my internal customer happened to be standing by listening to this discussion. She took over, politely, and engaged the prospect in a "not a no" conversation. while she wasn't precisely sure of the specific product request, she did know that she would move Heaven and Earth to secure the order in some way.

And she did. It resulted in a very large order for my client.

It actually does pay to be "on."

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Relentless Live at IABC

The Dallas chapter of IABC asked me to present to a members only breakfast this morning. What a great group!

It was an informal breakfast meeting of about 20 of us. Long-time and new members asked great questions and added even better comments. Hosted by Melinda Guravich at Mary Kay, Inc. HQ in North Dallas, it was a great opportunity to share the Top 10 Rules of Networking.

Thanks to all who attended. IABC Dallas appreciates your support and I appreciate your kind attention.

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It isn't really like this at events

Cynicism is running rampant on campus. I picked up a copy of my college newspaper when I returned recently to my alma mater for my son's graduation. In the comics section, this cartoon, by Ted Rall (www.rall.com) appeared. Being the networking event guy that I am, it caught my attention.

I do think Ted is insightful when it comes to the what recent or soon-to-be grads are experiencing. Also when it comes to writers and creatives, this could be a scene. However, I must say that I see a bit of a different mix: groups at networking events are usually a mix of thirds.

One third are job seekers. Yes, as they should be, they are out and about continuing to connect.

A second third are members of the organization that is hosting the event. They are there to mix and connect with their peers and friends.

The last third are employed networkers. These people are the ones who are looking ahead and also at today. They know the value of keeping in touch.

The value of an event is in who you meet and becoming a part of their network.

Relentless

Thanks to Ted Rall and "The Bulletin Board" and the Arizona Daily Wildcat

After landing

Today I received one of those calls you really want to get. One of the people in my network who had been between opportunities, called to tell me he had landed.

I appreciated the conversation and was reminded of another cardinal guideline--renew the acquaintance of those you encounter after you land. It's the old "you never know who you will be working with or for" axiom. Bill and I spoke about how he had found the opportunity (from a friend of many years and then an introduction) and a promise of his new/revised contact information.

He also reminded me of a book (which is on my reading list) with a great title: "The Power of Who," by Bob Beaudine. the message is not to overlook those you know, who know and love you and care about you.

Great advice from one who just experienced it first hand.

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Lesson from Mexico

Whenever we travel, we always notice the differences from home as well as the similarities. In Mexico, we noticed courtesy.

From the time we arrived to the time we touched down in the US 10 days later, we were treated very well.

Taxi drivers greeted us and asked how we were. They engaged us in conversation and gave us suggestions as to where to eat. Several offered to wait while we visited one location before heading to another.

Hotel staff were gracious always. From the front desk clerk to the bellman to the groundskeepers and staff, every one made eye contact and greeted us or smiled. We never felt unsure, unsafe or unwelcome.

Other travelers even picked up on the feeling. Courtesy was every where.

Of course, it helps not to have a deadline or time constraint. But think about it: why do those circumstances have to change how we interact with even strangers around us?

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